Ambition, Imposter Syndrome, and Taking My Own Advice

I have a problem, and no one believes me.

I am scared, all the time.

People scare me. The world scares me. I'm scared of being alone. I'm scared to meeting people. I'm scared of being trapped in one place. I'm scared to move away. I'm scared of failure. I'm terrified of success.

And no one believes me, because I'm scared to show my fear.

That is the core of imposter syndrome, I think. That we are so scared that people are going to see us that we put on a mask that we are terrified to take off. Even though we might know on an intellectual level that everyone around us is wearing a similar mask, we are scared that we are the one's who is going to get found out.

It is the push and pull between imposter syndrome and ambition. I want to be safe and avoid fear, but my ambition pulls me towards a terrifying future. One where I build a life that aligns with me, authentically.

And so it falls on me. I have to take my own advice. I have to build it myself. I am working on building my portfolio, showcasing my screenplays, projects I've worked on, people I've worked for. I am also building other platforms, like publishing my crochet patterns and writing up my lectures to publish.

But this blog is a huge part of that. I want to build a body of work that inspires and builds community. I'm on the internet, I know I'm not the only one who loves the things that I love. I want to build a place of my own with likeminded people.

I do have ideas for this website. Down the line, I want to bring in guest content, do interviews, and go to places to meet people.

BUt that will have to wait. I have to start at the beginning. And so I will.

If you're reading this, I hope you join me.